Mamarati

So, I’ve been trying to figure out culprits in my diet that are making me feel like shit. I have already figured out coffee which was a very sad realization, but now that I’ve eliminated that, I’m still having problems with something. I think it’s chocolate or milk.

I eliminated chocolate the last two go arounds. I was completely off the diet when I went back to Oklahoma, so that was nearly a full cycle. But this is what I ate when I was away:

• 3 pieces of cantaloupe
• 1 piece of lettuce that tasted odd so I spit it out
• Some chicken noodle thing
• tea
• peanut butter cookies (about 5)
• 2 bloody marys
• King’s Hawaiian Rolls (3)
• Izze Blackberry drink

That was over like 3 1/2 days. It was very odd. Because I was surrounded by food. You know how it is when someone dies. You just get inundated with food. Well, people know how big our family is, so there was just tons of food. Every day, more and more of it.

So it was strange to be in the midst of that, and yet nothing looked appealing to me. It was like my mind was just tainted against all of it. Everything all mixed up together and in big aluminum trays or casserole dishes… I had no idea what was in anything. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stay completely on the rotation, but I was going to try to stay as close as I could. Once I got there, I had no idea that my body and mind would align and do it for me. It wasn’t like I even had to put up any will to not eat things because nothing looked good.

I’m sure emotion had something to do with it as well. When I’m uncomfortable emotionally or having sad kind of stress I never want to eat. Everything loses its luster.

At any rate, I avoided both chocolate and milk. Dinner last night started Day 1 on the diet, which is milk day. I had a glass and a half and made alfredo. About 30 minutes after dinner and after I’d been feeling fine all day I came down with what was nearly a migraine. Today I woke up feeling better, but then had a little bit of milk with oatmeal and as I was driving Jacob to school another migraine set in.

I came home and got in bed and didn’t get out till nearly 11am. What the hell?

So, it may be both milk and chocolate, but I know that it’s milk for sure now.

And I’m so sad about that. But it’s just like the allergist was saying… too much of a good thing. I’ve had milk every day since I was probably about 15 years old. I guess my body has decided that enough is enough.

I really wish I’d known, being the allergy-prone person that I am, that this is how these food allergies get started. I would have made some major changes years ago. I would have started the world of food for Jacob in a completely different way…

Speaking of which, it’s time to pick him up at school and take him to get his weekly allergy shot. Bleh.

Mmmm…

Seriously, though, it’s days like this that make me glad I don’t eat this crap any more.

So, I need to write about this more, because it’s been pretty consuming for a long time. And off and on throughout my life since the first time I heard about dolphins swimming into six-pack rings as a child or watched the commercial of the Native American dude crying about the litter. I grew up in Oklahoma… Trail of Tears, y’all. Making Indians cry is not farkin’ cool.

Living more green. And stuff. Not just green, because that’s the fun, crazy buzzword of the day. But other stuff, too. Stuff that may or may not be green or good for the planet, depending on how you look at it. Stuff that people who know me say is just part of me being a hippie. But I was born in the ’70s, so technically no. But yeah, OK, a little bit. Read the rest of this entry »

Why is the pot pie meal at Boston Market $4.99?

Is the pie tin lined with gold or something?

And when did Country Crock decide to make side dishes like potatoes? When the war on trans fat began?

I guess you have to diversify when your bread and butter (haha) is under fire.

I’ve been reading a lot for school and I have just not wanted to write too much.

And I hate that because I really do have things to say.

First, let me say this… I give up on dieting. I cannot do it. I like food so damn much.

It’s torture.

I’m not that fat. I have to stop trying to be this girl I’m not.

Why do I think I have to be that girl???

More later. I mean it this time.

Well, yesterday wasn’t so bad, although I’m finding that I can’t use the meal planner too much. I mean, I can add things that I want or end up eating, but the things that Spark plans for me, I usually end up only eating a tiny bit of those… Usually because I’m pressed for time and need to make something quickly.

I like that it is fully customizable in that way. I will keep “showing” the meal plans, though, because I like the suggestions.

The only thing I wish is that I could print a grocery list based on things that I want to add to a meal or substitute that aren’t in the database. For example, if I want a baked potato topped with chili, I want to use my own chili recipe (like a turkey chili recipe from RecipeZaar) or I want to use Amy’s Spicy Chili which is veggie and has tofu instead of meat. I know it won’t be able to add food that comes from outside recipes, but it could at least do the canned stuff or make some sort of notation on there ?

Too many years of web development and project management are in me, I guess. I just want to QA everything to death.

Anyway, yesterday wasn’t so bad in terms of hunger. I am definitely trying to stay at the low end of my calorie range, like I mentioned yesterday… so that I have those extra few hundred calories to mess with at the end of the day when I’m hungry.

I know that you’re not supposed to eat at the end of the day, like right before bed and all that, but I should mention that my “end of the day” isn’t the end of the day that most people experience. I am quite a night owl, so eating at 10pm is similar to another person eating at 6pm (who goes to bed at 10 or 11pm).

I weighed this morning and, as is usual for me when restricting my calories or dieting in any way, I’ve already lost 3 pounds.

I appreciate that part of my diet process because even though a lot of it may be water or whatever… it gives me some hope and motivation.

Funny how the mind works.

So, I realize that the problem with my weight is that I just don’t pay any attention to what I am eating. I have not gained any weight in the past few years, but I haven’t lost any either.

I just eat what I want and stay the same, which is about 30 pounds more than I’d like.

It’s not that I’m terribly unhappy about my weight either. It doesn’t bother me and it doesn’t bother my boyfriend in the least. I guess I just remember what I used to look like and the clothes I used to wear… or I see women who are thinner than me, but not necessarily anorexic (ewww) and I think that I would rather look like that than my current flabby state.

Anyway, so yesterday I stayed within my calorie limit and around 10pm, I was hungry.

I wasn’t starving by any means, but I was definitely hungry. And I had to consciously tell myself not to eat.

But then I thought, let me look at my calories… and I was on the low end (1200) so I thought, I’ll just have something that is low calories, but tasty and filling… so I had a bunch of grapes and that only brought my calories up a tiny bit, not even anywhere near the high end (1500). And I had a glass of water to help me feel full.

I was fine after that.

Normally I would have had like 10 cookies and thought nothing of it.

This weekend has been… blissful. loverly.

Friday, boyfriend and I went to Outback and had yummy steaks. We have vowed not to eat tacos out forty times a week so that we could have that one good dinner.

Then, Saturday we had this bruschetta that he made with these new diced tomatoes:

And he put balsalmic vinegar and olive oil and mozerella (really good soft stuff) on it and we were stuffed. We sat there in the living room scarfing it right off the pan.

Then this morning I got up and used my leftover steak from Outback… I sliced it really thin and sauteed it with green onions and the mexican style rotel and then added it to some scrambled eggs… I made homemade tortillas to wrap the eggs in (with the tortilla press that he got me for Mother’s day) and then I made hash browns with the first of my jalapenos from the garden and some onion… and it was all so damn good.

Tonight we were going to have a salad with the previously mentioned tomatoes, but we ended up getting some different ones, organic stuff from Muir Glen… and it was more like a saucy type thing than just tomatoes, so instead he cooked it up with chicken and basil from the herb garden and some basalmic vinegar and then I made a salad to go with it… and it was the shit.

We also had some good sex-type moments throughout the weekend… played around in the yard. Sat around watching the fish. Did some shopping and playing with kitties at Petsmart… We went to Central Market and got some good tea and coffee. He got some Earl Grey that was like 30 bucks a pound. Of course he only got like $1 of it to try… but it was so strong (the bergamot) that it smelled up the entire car. I got some of this:

It’s PG Tips Pyramid Bags… British tea… it’s so good and the coloring is really nice. It’s my new favorite. I don’t like the fancy stuff too much. I go for plain old English Breakfast tea or whatever’s “just tea” so this suits me fine.

I got some coffee that is from a local roaster and is fair trade and super delicious… and I haven’t even had any of it yet because I like the tea so much.

I’m going to try and make it in my espresso machine though and see how that turns out.

I sound like a total food junkie, don’t I?

All in all, this was the perfect weekend, I’d say.

The best feeling is getting paid and then going to the grocery store after planning a menu of things you’ve never cooked before but can’t wait to try… spending exactly the amount you projected… and then sitting and waiting for that first meal to be done.

I am waiting right now.

I love cooking.

And eating. It’s a wonder I don’t weigh five hundred pounds.

So, here are the plans I have for food over the next so and so days (there will always be leftover nights. yay.)

Greek Turkey Burgers with Greek Tomato Salad

Hungarian Chicken Paprikas and Spaetzle

Crescent Chicken Rolls and Corn/Salad

Beer Battered Fish and Hush Puppies (substitute jalapenos for the green peppers) and Amish Slaw

Rosemary Roasted Salmon and Tomato Basil Bruschetta

4 Minute Spicy Garlic Shrimp and Sesame Roasted Green Beans with Rice

Sunshine Curry Chicken

Tonight it’s the Crescent Chicken Rolls and man that filling was good while I was rolling them up.

They’re almost done and Jacob is almost out of the bath and Lost is on tonight…

Such a good night.

Well, in one way I totally messed up today. Went to Arby’s and porked completely out. Got these loaded potato bites. With ranch dressing. And then went and had a mocha at Starbucks with half and half. I mean, I sat there and just let “breve” roll right off my tongue. Not even thinking.

I had no idea how much fat there was in one of those things.

At any rate, in another way I totally did good. Went to Target and got a pedometer and have taken 738 steps in the hour I’ve been wearing it. So at least I have that going for me.

More tomorrow.

Also… the water.. It’s so hard to drink the water. I’ve got to figure something out with that. I’m just not a naturally thirsty person.

Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve written.

I’ve been really busy with planning all of Jacobs homeschooling and getting ready for that.

He was also sick for like 3 days, so I kept him out of school for that.

He got wacked on the head with a hoe on the weekend of his birthday party. A friend was over and they were digging in the back yard, which is a favorite pastime of his. I should have known better… I mean, I know I can trust Jacob back there with all manner of tools, but his friend, he is more of a city boy. So he swung it and Will turned around and blam. Got him right on the back of the head. The blood loss was phenomenal.

Then when all was said and done it was a nick about half an inch long.

Thankfully. Mental note to self… Jacob’s friends cannot play with the garden tools.

It’s a beautiful day outside today. I say that, but it’s cool and cloudy, probably will rain. To me, that is a beautiful day… I want to go outside with about a hundred stakes and string and stake out the whole of my garden. It’s hard to get it on paper, and I’m not much of an artist anyway. I think if I could walk it all out it would be more real to me and I could get a better idea what I want to do.

In other news, things are going well as usual. One more month till my car is paid off and I will have some cash to play with. I say play with, but really it’s all slated for other bills and such. But at least I won’t be broke all the time. Once all that is whittled down I can start putting money away for things we want like a new dishwasher, a bigger TV and materials for the patio and yard.

I was sick last night. OMG it was the worst pain I’d felt in forever. These stomach pains felt like contractions they were so tight. I ended up throwing up and then boyfriend and I went to the store to get pepto and gas-x. I feel so much better this morning. Must have pooted it all out in the night. Yay.

I think it was the onions. We went tromping at a nearby lake and stopped at a BBQ joint and they had red onions with the meal and I ate them up, of course, because I love them. But I remember another time that I had raw red onions and it gave my stomach fits. I should have known better, but I guess I’d just totally forgotten about that.

The lake was fun. So quiet and serene. The water lapping the shore was heavenly for me and really calmed my mind. We found a campsite that we can hopefully reserve for next weekend when we go camping. Jacob might have some homework, but I don’t really care. It will be his last couple of days of school that week, so they can just kiss my butt as far as I’m concerned.

More later, I just wanted to update because I haven’t in so long.