Mamarati

So, I’m hungry. I decide I’ve got enough leftover bits of stuff in the fridge to make an omelet. Yum.

But then I’m sitting here and it starts to taste… like a memory. I have really strong taste / smell / memory association. It’s as if those things are directly tied to my emotion, as well… like, smells can make me cry and feel weepy.

Anyway, I realize then that the last time I made an omelet was on the day I fell off the ladder and the memory I’m getting is of throwing up omelet in the hospital. How odd is that? I don’t know what the logic is there, but I’d been in the hospital for like 3 days before I threw up perfectly preserved, undigested chunks of ham, onion and egg. How is that even possible? Is that some reflex, where your body says hey, we don’t really need to be focused on digestion right now. How about we just make more blood and heal and stuff.

? I don’t know.

Now I’m sitting here thinking that something bad is about to happen to me.

And do you know that now, almost a year later, I still have visions of it in my head? The fall, specifically. When I’m going to sleep and I get that sensation of falling, I jolt awake and it’s as if I were right there. I don’t know how to get rid of it. It’s kind of disturbing.

At any rate, I’m not working in the yard this weekend, and I don’t care what the temperature is.

So, I need to write about this more, because it’s been pretty consuming for a long time. And off and on throughout my life since the first time I heard about dolphins swimming into six-pack rings as a child or watched the commercial of the Native American dude crying about the litter. I grew up in Oklahoma… Trail of Tears, y’all. Making Indians cry is not farkin’ cool.

Living more green. And stuff. Not just green, because that’s the fun, crazy buzzword of the day. But other stuff, too. Stuff that may or may not be green or good for the planet, depending on how you look at it. Stuff that people who know me say is just part of me being a hippie. But I was born in the ’70s, so technically no. But yeah, OK, a little bit. Read the rest of this entry »

“Discipline doesn’t produce immediate joy, but it is an investment that will pay great dividends in due time.” (Hebrews 12:11)

Seriously, though.

Yesterday I got to thinking about my weight and just how I feel in general. And I’ve been down this road before… realizing that I’m not eating the best I can. That I eat too much fat and sugar.

And in my quest to get rid of high fructose corn syrup, I end up eating more sugar. And in my quest to get rid of trans fats, I eat more of other fats. Read the rest of this entry »