Mamarati

Today, for whatever reason… I had focus all day long. I mean, from start to finish, even though I was doing things that pulled me in different directions, I still had my wits about me. I never once found myself looking around the room saying, “How did I get here?” or “Why am I here?” And I did not ever find something in my hand and think, “What was I going to do with this?”

Nice.

Maybe my mind is coming back to me.

I started keeping track of my food again. I’m sure that will last all of about 3 days.

But it does make me realize something… and it’s that when I’m eating in the calorie range that I need to lose weight, I am hungry. So if I go through the day and I’m not hungry… then I’m eating too much.

I don’t mean that as something scientific… before someone freaks out and starts harping on me about filling foods that aren’t loaded with calories… I’m just saying this as an observation on the kinds of things I eat on a regular basis. They keep me full. And yet they don’t allow me to lose weight.

I need to drink more water, but I figure that the goals I’ve been setting were too lofty. I tried to go for that odd 8 cups a day goal and that was entirely out of my reach. So I backed it down to 4. Not working either.

So today, I shot for 1 cup. That’s my new goal until it becomes some sort of habit. Just one farking cup. And I was able to pull that off.

I baked bread today and have a tuna casserole in the oven. It smells good.

This was all random crap, but I felt like I needed to write.

Again — habits.

I’m having a very hard time getting any established these days. Laying in bed for a month does a lot to break you out of your ways.