Mamarati

I want my arm to be normal again.

I am experiencing some psychological stress, sadness, anxiety, anger, pity and despair about this.

I feel mostly normal as I go about my day and have for a while now. But then I realize that my days are different now than they used to be when I had a normal arm that did what it was supposed to do. I don’t do the things that I know I can’t do. I avoid those types of activity. Swimming. Balancing things. Using my arm in any kind of way that requires full range, strength of any sort, symmetry.

I exercised yesterday and it felt really good, but what I was doing did not require much of that side of me. Today, however, I realized just how limited I’m going to be and it kind of pisses me off. I’m mad at my arm. I’m mad at my stupidity for getting up on that ladder and I realize that I still have a lot of regret about it. And I’m sad.