Mamarati

for no good reason. It’s not like I was doing anything productive, because I had a headache from hell from no caffeine. (Although I did sneak a few sips of a Mexican Coke in with dinner… but that’s really just a drop in the bucket of caffeine I generally consume in a day…)

So, I don’t know if that Teeccino stuff does actually offer a natural “lift” or not. I don’t know what it was.

I’m going to Coldwater Creek today, which is not a creek but rather a clothing store. I found a blog post someone had made about it that indicates I will probably like their clothing:

“I know the niche market is 40 yr old female English professors who drive subarus, but who is to say that that won’t be me one day?!“

I’m almost 40. I was going to be an English professor till I changed my mind and now I’m going to be a Librarian. (ooooh, big change there!) And I am a writer… and I used to drive a Subaru. I miss it dreadfully, seat heaters and all…

Anyway, Jacob’s Ness (stepmom) was wearing this cute pink top the other night when I went to hang with Jacob and Jessen… had this tie in the front. Really cute. And then when I went to pick Jacob up yesterday, his math / social studies teacher had on a yellow shirt that was similar and also cute, same tie thing in the front… and I thought, “Where are they getting these cute shirts? I need one!” And then I actually said that exact thing out loud to his teacher and she said she got it at Coldwater Creek and that earlier in the day when Ness had dropped him off at school she said something about the shirt, too. Funny.

Anyway, the deal is, I got rid of all my dress clothes. Remember the purge? So, yeah, they were too small anyway and I haven’t worked in an office (except for my brief time at Citi) for over 12 years. I only kept nice clothes around when I worked at iVillage for those NYC trips and conferences and stuff. Working remotely has its benefits: sweatpants and hoodies.

So, now I’m going to an Austin conference for About.com… finally I can go and so far no one has gotten sick or died to change my plans. It’s casual and all, but my idea of casual is pretty casual and plus I’m getting a new guide photo. Yay. I think my hair has recovered enough from the busted arm-related chopping that I’ll be happy with the shot. And then I’m going to Johnson & Johnson’s Camp Baby in NYC (which has blown up into some nastiness, btw) and I have no idea what the atmosphere there is going to be. Business casual, I’d imagine. So, the point is — I have no clothes for this stuff. I only have my mom clothes. The rest is with the Goodwill.

The other problem with buying a few outfits to wear is that one event is in Austin (where 80+ degree weather has already started) and the other is in NYC (where there have been temps below freezing this last week). Ugh. In fact, I just looked at the weather and it might snow in NYC next week. Joy. So, I guess I will get whatever works down here and take a couple of sweaters with me to the deal up North.

Meanwhile, there’s a big redesign going down and I need to get my ducks in a row for that and if you think I’m caught up with school you’ve lost your mind. Great timing on going out of town. I couldn’t be spread thinner if a steam roller went over me. 50 times. The sad bonus to all this… my kid is in Guatemala. What irony that I’m a bit grateful that my kid is out of town so that I can deal with all this kid-related stuff. I’m also super happy he gets to take this trip because he’s going to see so much interesting stuff and have such a great time. But I have to tell you, when I dropped him off over at his Dad’s house and said Goodbye, I was saying, “HELLO!” to a long, uninterrupted stream of work and school.

Whatever, I’m so over mom guilt. I wish I could take new moms and fast forward their lives about 10 years so they can see that all the stuff they fret about and all that time they spend worrying that they are doing everything wrong is a waste. Guilt is crap. Just slow down and enjoy those years. I know it’s cliche, but it’s true: They grow up so fast.

Besides, there’s so much other guilt in the world to immerse yourself in… Like the guilt of taking one orange mommy cat and her kitten to the vet, finding that they both are sick with FLV (that’s why she was doing that weird little cough and why the kittens were dying) and then having to have them both euthanized. It’s a long story that I have partially drafted, but it’s really so painful I can’t finish. It’s been two weeks now and every night I still think about the sweetness of mama orange thing and just cry. Last night was particularly bad because my neck was hurting so I went for the heating pad… and I had used that pad to keep the kitten warm in the nesting box. So, I just sat there and bawled like a giant baby, thinking about her.

I can’t talk about it any more. I’m going to go get these clothes and then hurry back here so I can read, read and then… read some more.