Mamarati

Or rather, not. I have gained like 6 pounds this last week. And that was before I went to Bubba’s and ate fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and a giant roll.

I have been eating a ton. Stuffing myself. I don’t know what the deal is, either. It’s like I’m doing some emotional eating except that I have nothing emotional going on. I’m just eating till I’m beyond full. I think part of it has been that I’ve been eating really late in the day, and then boyfriend comes home and I eat again soon after.

At any rate, I have to get this under control. I think I need a kick start and a change from this sugar / bread / pasta love affair that I have going. I started Atkins induction this morning. When I got on the scale and saw how much weight I’d gained, I immediately knew it’s what I have to do. And no more excuses about being so busy or being on campus all day and unable to make the food. I’m home all day. I can do this.

I guess I took myself seriously, because usually when I say I’m going to do something like this I have to take some time and plot it all out and then have a blowout of sugar. Not this time. I started first thing this morning and spent a good part of the day cleaning stuff out of my pantry and rearranging things so that it will be easy for me to follow.

I needed to do that anyway, since it’s been a while since we found out about all of J’s food allergies… Some of the stuff that didn’t quite work for us (like quinoa flakes and kamut flour) has since expired, so they needed to go anyway. I put all the oils and vinegars together, all the snacks J can have, all the grains, so they are away from my area and all the canned meats and things I can have together. I kept all the baking stuff together so I can make stuff for J and boyfriend.

The good thing about this is that I’ve done it before with great success, even though it was a bajillion years ago (or like… eight) and it’s not incompatible with what I need to cook for J and his allergies. Basically it’s fresh food and not processed crap. Everyone will survive. I make them brownies and don’t eat those anyway.

God I’m just tired of being fat. I feel like I’m at my rock bottom here. But at least something is REALLY motivating me now.